Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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