Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
