is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
