Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
