Is it because I queefed?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Are my feet made of real feet?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize