now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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