I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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