I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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