She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize