There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
