some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
