You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have grass duct taped all over my body
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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