OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize