I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
