If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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