There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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