Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I am mentally ready for anal.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
