my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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