How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
