you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
