you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
