Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
