Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
