She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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