You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
