hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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