why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
