pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
