I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
