what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
