There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize