I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
