you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
