the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
