She announced her abortion via fbk
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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