you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
