your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
being pregnant is like rehab
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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