I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
