That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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