I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
