hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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