seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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