You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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