fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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