The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
