I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
honey bunches of taint.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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