Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
