sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
