Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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