Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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