Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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