im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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