she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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