so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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