At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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