he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
