hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
