as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
