Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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