mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
