i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
