Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
