What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Someone signed my nipple.
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