I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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