This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
