drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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