Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
