she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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