Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize