I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
