Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
