She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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